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When news broke that a prominent couple had been killed and their son, Nick Reiner, was a person of interest, it thrust substance use disorder back into the public spotlight. However, parents grappling with a loved one’s addiction fear the dialogue will center on an extremely uncommon act of homicide rather than the more widespread risks of the disease.

A Familiar Pain

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been closely following the developments. They only knew the Reiners professionally, yet they identify deeply: their own son also developed a dependency at 15 to painkillers and later heroin, similar to Nick Reiner, and spent years in and out of rehabilitation and jail. After seven excruciating years, their son achieved sobriety in July 2010.

“It’s just devastating,” states Grover. “It tears you up, because that’s a family destroyed, just like so many other families we know whose sons or daughters succumbed to the disease of addiction.”

The Scope of the Crisis

More than two-thirds of Americans report their lives have been impacted by addiction—whether through their own use, a family member’s dependency, homelessness due to addiction, or an overdose leading to hospitalization or death, according to 2023 data.

Approximately 16.8% of Americans, or tens of millions of people, had a substance use disorder in 2024.

“This can happen to anyone, no matter how wealthy you are, no matter how disadvantaged you are, no matter how influential you are,” stated Grover.

Fear of Stigma

The Reiner story resonated deeply with Greg, who leads a parent organization. “We talk a lot about how it’s a condition that affects the whole family,” Greg said. “It has a profound effect on others’ lives.”

However, he is worried that the tragic events will make people “very wary of anybody who’s struggles with having an addiction, and think that they could become violent at any point in time. And that’s not true,” Greg added.

These “are really crucial discussions to have, since addiction is so widespread in the United States and the rates have consistently risen,” stated an academic researcher who studies addiction and criminal justice. She pointed to the significant stigma surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “idea of someone being really dangerous and the potential for causing violence.”

She also advised against making assumptions about the reported involvement of the son or his condition at the time, noting it is not known whether drugs or psychological distress were involved recently.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their biased views of addiction and this condition, and fill in the gaps to try to make sense of what happened,” she said. “Because of his history, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his addiction.”

The Reality of Risk

While addiction can lead to erratic actions, and some substances may lead to agitation, a brutal act like a double homicide is exceptionally rare.

“The vast majority of people with addiction or this illness do not ever show anything even approaching to violent behavior. It’s a real rarity,” the expert explained. “The actual reality is a person is significantly more likely to hurt themselves than anyone else.”

The Constant Anxiety

Both Greg and Grover have lived with fear—not of their sons, but for them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to die at some point,” Greg said. “If he returns to using, it’s eventually going to claim his life. That’s my greatest terror. And my other fear is just being cut off from him.” He described the painful decisions parents face, such as setting boundaries and sometimes making the “excruciating” choice that an adult child cannot reside in the family home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you went to sleep, that you could get that call or that visit from authorities telling you that he was never coming home,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, every day of the year, for a parent.”

He recounted the harrowing calls: from the ER saying a son was unconscious; from prison, where a parent might rationalize behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he shoplifted to support his habit; at least he wasn’t burglarizing the neighbors’ houses.’”

Isolation and Judgment

Parents often battle isolation—wondering if the addiction was caused by some parental failure; feeling responsible for a child’s actions; and worrying about the stigma directed at both parent and child.

It is extremely challenging to understand a family’s ordeal without experiencing it personally, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can shift instantly. You could be content one day and in despair the next... It’s not unusual for that to happen.”

The Path Forward

Data indicates about three in four people with addiction are can achieve recovery.

“Just as you can recover from any other type of illness, you can overcome this condition, too. You can heal and be successful,” said Grover. “If you work at it and you stumble, you get up and try again.”

Today, his son is a married with children, holds a university education, and works as a union electrician. Grover reflected on his struggle to “fix” his son, realizing it could not be forced.

“I can drag him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t reach for my hand for help, it’s not going to work,” he said.

Yet, they always reiterated they cared for him and had faith in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s dealing with someone struggling with drugs: make sure your hand is always, always extended, because you never know when they’ll take it and take it.”